"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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