omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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