they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
