Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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