I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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