Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
