I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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