Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
