My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
