Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
