"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
