i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
