dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
