Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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