Soap is not a condiment
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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