I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
