i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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