My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
