shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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