I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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