Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
