I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
