we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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