Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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