I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
