eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
