Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
ttyl tear gas
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
my poor anus
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
