I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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