If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
