Duck Duck Cougar?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
