i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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