Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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