If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize