if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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