Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
