I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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