I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
