I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
