Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
