She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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