two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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