His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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