Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
