I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
