Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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