Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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