sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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