I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
