I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
