i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
