I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it's great music for shaving your balls
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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