I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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