Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
