can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
