I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
