defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
