my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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