I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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