I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
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I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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