Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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