Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
