Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize