i just had sex bonerless
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
