Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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