I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
