You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
