Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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