We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
