just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
