just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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