I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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