Having a random hookup so left but love u
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
bring money and cleavage
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
