I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
