Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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