Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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