I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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