the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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