wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
