Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
