Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
