K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
