This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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