first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
