Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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