never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
