Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
